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Movies Are Supposed To Be Fun
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Fits the Bill
June 30, 2009

I haven’t gone to a movie theater since . . . I can’t even remember. I think the last movie I watched in a real theater was Revenge of the Sith, in 2005.

I don’t have an issue with the quality of movies today, it’s all about personal budgets. Movies in theaters are expensive. Consider the cost of gas; wear-and-tear on the car; outrageous ticket prices combined with outrageous popcorn and drink prices; medical costs after catching swine flu from someone in the theater; the screaming little shit in row 3; the cell-phone text addict in row 14; and the nose-dead female in row 24 who believes she should introduce the whole world to the odor of cheap perfume.

But there I was anyway, standing in line at the theater waiting to watch Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. What was I doing in a movie theater? Circumstances beyond my control . . . the tickets were a birthday present from Sondra.

Not that I wasn’t looking forward to the second Transformers movie. After all, how many chances does anyone get to watch Megan Fox overflowing her clothes in slow motion on the big screen? Who cares if she can act? Optimus Prime is a better actor than Megan Fox, but let’s avoid the old “apples to oranges” comparison. Oh, sorry. I know the average critic will find my reference to “apples and oranges,” and Megan Fox in the same paragraph as being vulgar - typical for a critic.

Many nationally known movie critics came out openly against this movie. They said it was too loud, too vulgar, too fast, too long, too suggestive, too socially un-redeeming and basically pointless.

Critics. Do we really need these idiots? Here is a movie that grossed something like 387 million dollars worldwide in 5 days, breaking the all-time record for a movie opening and proving that most critics don’t know their ass from a matrix? We should ignore these self-proclaimed movie critics.

This movie was great. Great on a level that eludes most movie critics who fail to understand the fundamental reason people watch movies in the first place - to have fun. This movie was all about fun. Kids had fun watching the transformers. Military enthusiasts had fun watching the soldiers with advanced weaponry. Male viewers had fun watching Megan Fox oozing what looked like Vaseline from her lips. Nerds had fun watching the special effects including a female robot they’ll all be fantasizing about for the next six months. Female viewers had fun watching Shia LaBeouf. NASCAR enthusiasts had fun watching the transformer cars. I could go on and on.

The only people who didn’t think the movie was fun are the critics and old, right-wing conservative Republicans who believe we should banish Transformers from Earth; Megan Fox should be banned from all public media for being too provocative; mothers shouldn’t talk or behave like the one in the movie; God will defeat the Decepticons without any human help; and our children should be reading bibles, not Transformer comics. I think we need fewer critics, fewer right-wing conservative Republicans, and more movies like this one.

Even though movies-for-two at the theater can easily run $40 for a one-time shot compared to unlimited viewing of a DVD in the comfort of your living room for $16.95, I can’t wait for the third Transformers movie to be released. With any luck I’ll get to see that one in a theater too. Screw the critics. It’s one thing to be nominated for an Academy Award (the critics are really into that); but quite another to garner sincere appreciation from theater-goers. At the end of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the crowd in the theater erupted with cheers and applause. I haven’t heard applause like that in a movie theater since aliens blew up the White House in Independence Day.

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