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Tammy Bruce – Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!
June 1, 2009

This past weekend during my weekly pilgrimage to Walmart, I was treated to a barrage of bitching on the car radio by a talk show hostess seemingly on the verge of a nervous breakdown because president Obama flew to New York for a "date night."

This obviously hysterical woman claimed it was somehow inappropriate for Obama to spend taxpayer money attending a show in New York, while at the same time U.S. automobile companies are filing for bankruptcy. I know. To any rational person this is quite a stretch. She whined on and on, suggesting Obama should have attended a show in Washington D.C., or not have attended a show at all.

I was reminded of a fried-brain alcoholic who rambles on endlessly about some totally inconsequential matter while nobody really listens. I waited patiently for a commercial break so I could discover who this miserably unhappy woman might be. It turned out to be Tammy Bruce. Tammy Bruce? Who the hell is Tammy Bruce? I never heard of Tammy Bruce.

Listening to Bruce for several minutes, I could only imagine her peeping through a hole in the White House bathroom wall to see how many sheets of toilet paper Obama uses after a number two. Following Bruce’s logic, the president should be limited to four sheets of toilet paper per shit until the U.S. auto industry recovers. Which means of course the 4-sheet limit for shit might last forever.

I had arrived at Walmart. Enough Bruce. Hopefully, when I got back to the car something more interesting than Bruce might be on; like the annual Public Radio fund drive or a Carbonite commercial. When I got back to the car though; Bruce was still ranting and raving, this time about some woman named Susan Boyle. Susan Boyle? Who the hell is Susan Boyle? I never heard of Susan Boyle.

I was starting to feel uncomfortably out of touch with current events. According to Bruce, Susan Boyle is an old, ugly woman with an above average voice who lost a talent contest in England that very evening. Upset with the contest outcome, Bruce directed several insults in general at the British people. I thought we were only allowed to do that to the French. Michael Savage is carrying the "insult the British" baton right now.

Maybe the British Prime Minister should add Bruce's name to England's "hate promoter" list, just under the name of Michael Savage. Anyway, Bruce was so incensed over the contest winners that she even made derogatory comments about one of the female judges who (according to Bruce) looked like she had Botox injected lips.

The Botox comments are naturally attributable to feminine (or should I say feminist) jealousy. I'm sure Bruce never had any of her personal photographs enhanced by Photoshop for a book cover or her Internet site. Sure. What a sterling example of an avowed feminist hanging in there with her female sisterhood (unless one of them looks more attractive).

From a psychological standpoint, Bruce has serious mental issues. She took me on a strange journey from a "date night" in New York to an inconsequential talent contest in England; with a voyeuristic layover in Obama’s bathroom. I felt a sudden compulsion to warn everyone I know about Tammy Bruce. Time is precious, and I cringe at the prospect of my readers wasting that precious time listening to Bruce’s distorted perceptions of life and politics.

When I got home I searched for Bruce at Wikipedia. The short article about her was sufficient to paint a sad portrait of a confused, tortured feminist who can't make up her mind and couldn’t even keep her job with the California chapter of the National Organization for Women (NOW). Wow, a shunned woman. I suppose that is almost like a scorned woman and we all know the old saying about scorned women . . .

I dislike Tammy Bruce. She is a feminist. Strike one. She can’t decide whether she is a Democrat or a Republican. Having once declared herself a “lifelong Democrat,” she now donates money to Republicans. That makes her a liar. Strike two. She is over 40 and allegedly gay. A conservative Republican would declare that strike three. I just add it as a point to consider. But the fact that she would donate money to Republicans who essentially believe she is mentally defective because of her sexual orientation means she is stupid. Strike three.

So what about Susan Boyle? Apparently Susan suffered an emotional breakdown yesterday serious enough to land her in a clinic. I figure she couldn't take the pressure of Bruce calling her old and ugly. Who wants to hear something like that about themselves on the radio? Bruce even assured radio listeners that Boyle would have a successful career even though she lost the contest. Tammy is obviously out of touch with reality. She is a radio show commentator, not an expert on  the entertainment business.

In my opinion, the judging in the British talent contest was absolutely fair. To be sure, Boyle has an above average singing voice but she was no match for the winning act; a group of extraordinarily gifted high-energy dancers/steppers named Diversity. They won and they deserved to win. No, I’m not making that up; I watched all of their contest performances on YouTube. If Bruce thinks Boyle is so fantastic, she should underwrite an album of Boyle's songs. The net profit from album sales probably wouldn't cover a small cup of latte at Starbucks.

Get real, Tammy. Lots of women can sing. The mere fact that someone you think is fat and ugly happens to have a decent voice is no reason to give her extra consideration in a talent contest. Had I heard Boyle singing without ever having seen her, I don’t think I’d be pulling out my wallet for an album of her songs. Her physical appearance doesn't matter one way or another. This is about "voice" and "talent," not looks. You, Tammy Bruce, made it an issue of appearance.

For the record, I don't believe Susan Boyle is either ugly or fat. I reserve those characterizations for Rush Limbaugh. No woman is ugly. Nature never figured out how to create a woman that way. Ugly is only in the mind of the beholder.

Obama can spend all the money he wants while the auto industry fails. Obama isn’t using taxpayer money for his expenses anyway. He’s just having the money printed up as he needs it. Obama didn’t cause the failure of the U.S. auto industry any more than he can prevent it. Why should he give up his "date nights" to support union excesses, inferior engineering, lack of executive vision and greed? At least he's still dating his wife. But you wouldn't know anything about a man loyal to his wife, would you Tammy?

Our country is facing major issues and challenges. Bruce, in the guise of a political commentator chooses to bitch instead about some stupid talent contest in England. As I hinted before; don’t waste your precious time tuning in to Bruce, and don’t waste precious Internet bandwidth downloading her podcasts if she ever gets them going.

If you are a Democrat drawn towards mediocrity who agrees or sympathizes with Bruce, send her a few spare sheets of your toilet paper. That way she can pretend people actually care and she can wipe her behind (or her mouth) with donated toilet paper that wasn’t procured with taxpayer money she thinks would be better spent on the failing U.S. auto industry. Maybe the executives at talk radio should go even further to accommodate Bruce's political views by cancelling her show and using the money they save to promote a "Buy American Cars" advertising campaign. That would probably make Bruce serenely happy and would certainly brighten my day.

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