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The New Republican Game – “Finger The Scapegoat”
November 7, 2008

The Republican Party has fallen into an immense pool of ignorance and denial. To be sure, Republican Party ignorance is a pre-existing condition. The denial behavior however, stems from the way Americans bitch-slapped the Republicans on November 4.

Republican big-wigs are searching desperately for someone or something to blame for their humiliating election results, but they are looking in all the wrong places. Instead of pointing fingers at Sarah Palin’s bathrobe or attitude, they should all look in the mirror. Truth is truth. Until Republicans learn to recognize truth, their party will continue its journey into insignificance and eventual oblivion.

Follow the logic on this one. Americans hate liars. President Bush lied to justify his invasion of Iraq. Since Americans hate liars and Bush is a liar, Americans hate Bush. Bush is a Republican. Since Bush is a Republican and he lied, that means Republicans lie. Americans hate liars and Republicans lie, so Americans hate Republicans. Republicans are Americans. Americans hate liars so Republicans hate liars. Since Republicans are liars, Republicans hate themselves. The logic is inescapable.

Psychologists refer to this convoluted mental paradigm as cognitive dissonance. Following that theory, it is only natural for Republicans to cope with their self-disgust by pointing fingers of blame in all directions except their own.

Listen up, Republicans; here are the very real reasons you lost:

1. Americans are fed up with a war in Iraq that started with a lie and continues to be justified with lies.
    
2. Americans are fed up with American tax dollars flowing into the Iraqi economy while ours goes down the drain.
    
3. Americans are fed up with Republicans who insist on fighting wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, when the terrorist who started it all is a guest of Pakistan.
    
4. Americans are fed up with the morons in charge of the Federal Reserve and Treasury who claim they can fix our financial collapse when it is they themselves who reigned over the collapse in the first place.
    
5. Americans are fed up with religious-fanatic Republicans who believe they have a right to dictate what a woman does with her own body. It is truly unfortunate men can not become pregnant. If they could, abortion would be a revered privilege.
    
6. Americans are generally fed up with a government full of old farts who lost touch with reality years ago.
    
7. Americans are tired of working hard (or even working at all) for a living. They believe American tax revenues going overseas for god-only-knows-what should be dispensed at home so Americans can spend it on larger televisions, faster cars and inflated mortgage payments.
    
8. More and more Americans are either ignorant or uneducated and fail to understand how the current financial crisis was caused by government policies implemented by Democrats. Using Democratic Party reasoning, if you purchased a used Yugo car last month but it broke down today after filling it with Exxon fuel, the breakdown is Exxon’s fault.
    
9. Americans look forward eagerly to the day Spanish becomes America’s primary spoken language. The achievement of that expectation will turn to absolute horror when Americans realize that along with Spanish they have to learn the metric system.
    
10. Americans believe they would be better off eliminating our own corrupt and inefficient government and turning control of America over to the United Nations.
     
11. Americans fantasize their employers will pay them enormous salaries for mediocre work when instead those businesses can move overseas and pay foreign workers 90% less for the same mediocre work. (That is of course until workers worldwide become unionized at which time businesses will have to pay outrageous salaries in every country for mediocre work.)
     
12. Americans are just plain fed up. The Yugo broke down and the Republicans own Exxon.

The only possible option was the solution Americans took. They kicked the Republicans’ collective ass. And that is exactly where the Republicans should stick their pointing fingers.

About this same time four or eight years from now, Americans will kick the Democrats’ collective ass because everything will still be the same. Republicans will be begging for a chance to fix it all; Democrats will be begging for at least 4 more years to get everything right; Libertarians will be too high on legalized drugs to care about any of this; and I’ll be here telling them all where they should stick their collective fingers.

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