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2008
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30
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Solutions for America’s Challenges
August 13, 2008
The most annoying people on the face of our planet are those
who whine constantly about everything from the price of gas
to the unsightly weeds on a neighbor’s lawn. Whine, whine,
whine. These are people who never have a solution for
anything; they just whine. They seem to enjoy whining. To a
whiner, everything that happens is someone else’s fault. If
you don’t believe me, just ask the next whiner you encounter
(they’re everywhere) how he or she would fix the problem
they’re whining about. You’ll experience first hand what the
“deer in the headlights” metaphor is all about. That will be
followed closely by the phrase, “somebody ought to... ”
Whiners always believe somebody else should fix their
problem.
I myself tend to complain about various people, events and
issues but never let it be said I don’t offer viable
solutions. America is faced with a multitude of problems,
but many can be easily solved with minimal effort and common
sense legislation. Try these on for size:
- Establish a Congressional Do Not Pay list.
Each month, Americans vote to select 10 Senators and/or
House members who did the worst job during that month.
The top 10 vote-getters forfeit their monthly pay. A
pay for performance system would force elected
officials to pay attention to voters; something they
consistently fail to do unless elections are three
months away. Anyone making the list three or more times
in one year permanently forfeits Congressional health
insurance benefits and also their eligibility for
government retirement benefits until they reach age 80.
The Do Not Pay list might serve to permanently
deny Nancy Pelosi any further government salary or
benefits. That seems oddly appropriate since she
recently denounced her American citizenship by declaring
herself a “citizen of the world.” Should we be paying a
non-American citizen? Should a non-citizen even hold
elected federal office?
Americans would vote via phone or Internet and confirm
their voting eligibility with a code on their US Citizen
ID Card. The cards would be cost-free and funded with
money saved on forfeited congressional salaries and
benefits. If Americans can vote for American Idol, they
can certainly vote the same way for lazy or incompetent
legislators. US citizens could vote online at
congressionaldud.com, losersofthemonth.com,
voteforlosers.com, votelosersout.com,
thismonthyousuck.com, or any other equally appropriate
site. These domain names were available at the time I
wrote this. Speaking of thismonthyousuck.com, we should
pass a law to:
- Legalize prostitution. This would create hundreds of
thousands of new jobs for unskilled workers, elected
politicians temporarily on the Do not pay list;
and other people generally unhappy in their current
jobs. Legalization would dramatically increase the
number of competitors in the field, thereby reducing the
cost of services. Look at how much the ex-governor of
New York had to pay for his fun. That is just
outrageous.
New tax revenues from legal prostitution would be
totally orgasmic. Prostitutes would generate so much
federal tax revenue the government could eliminate
federal taxes on fuel. That would save Americans
billions of dollars at the pumps. Speaking of pumping;
all the additional exercise would dramatically improve
personal health and reduce the rampant level of obesity.
As an added benefit, overweight American wives could
legally hire slimmer and younger prostitutes to service
their husbands. Millions of potentially doomed marriages
would be saved.
Law enforcement officers and courts nationwide could
stop wasting their time following, imitating or
prosecuting prostitutes and channel the extra time into
catching, incarcerating or deporting real criminals (to
include undocumented aliens).
International tension would be significantly reduced.
America could import large numbers of attractive
prostitutes from Russia, thus relieving the stress on
Chinese prostitutes who lose business to Russian
prostitutes illegally crossing their borders. I didn’t
make this up. I have it on good authority. Chinese men
appear to be spending a lot of time and money on Russian
prostitutes. How do you think that makes the Chinese
prostitutes feel? By importing the Russian prostitutes
into the US, we would increase job opportunities in
China (provided the prostitutes are attractive by
Chinese government official standards). We already know
from recent Olympic news releases the official Chinese
government policy regarding “unattractive” women.
- Extend America’s international boundaries 300
nautical miles into the oceans. That could make
off-shore gambling impractical, but it would allow us to
tax the market value of our oil being stolen by foreign
countries like Cuba and China, who drill off our shores.
We could even extract the oil ourselves if Nancy Pelosi
would stop trying to save the world and start trying to
help the American citizens who elected her. Nancy
doesn’t care if other countries drill for oil, she just
objects to Americans doing it. That attitude is a
staunch Democratic Party position . . . wait, we’re
about three months away from an election. Pelosi and her
vacationing Democrats may change their official
position, at least until the election is over and they
are securely back in office for another term.
- Prohibit ALL automobiles and other gasoline-powered
vehicles within the city limits of Washington, D.C.
Legislators don’t share our national pain at the gas
pumps because they all have expense accounts. They do
not pay for the gas they consume. They should all have
to walk or ride bicycles to work. That way our oil
“addiction” might be easier to seek treatment for
because our elected officials will be setting an
example. Speaking of addiction, are we prepared to take
Canada to court for drug dealing? Barack Obama claims we
are “addicted” to oil? In case you don’t pay attention
to oil import statistics, we import more oil from Canada
than any other foreign country.
- Education – For every single dollar spent on
special needs or high risk students in
elementary and high school, an equivalent dollar must be
spent on gifted students. The new somewhat
silent majority is totally fed up with a nationwide
education system that wastes the majority of its
tax-fueled resources attempting to bring
learning-disabled or unmotivated students up to a
mediocre, average level.
We need to spend an equal amount of money fostering
motivated, naturally gifted students that history and
statistics show us to be the ones who will finish
college and move on to discover and develop new sources
of energy; more efficient cars; highway bridges that
don’t break; and maybe even a notebook computer battery
that lasts more than three hours on a charge.
We’ve been beat near to death with the trite phrase, “A
mind is a terrible thing to waste.” In today’s world it
is much more realistic to believe, “$60,000 dollars in
tuition is a terrible thing to waste on a mediocre
mind.” If every individual is supposed to have an equal
opportunity, the amount of money spent on each
of those individuals should also be equal.
You might be shaking your head right now (especially if
you have a belligerent brat who favors Halo to
English Literature or mathematics) but an unmotivated,
unruly child is primarily the fault of the parents. I
know, whine, whine, whine and it’s somebody else’s
fault. In case you haven’t put two and two together yet,
when psychologists, teachers and politicians tell you
every child is special, what they really mean
is that every child is stupid, learning-disabled or
handicapped. What else is special supposed to
mean?
When I attended high school in the “old days” gifted
kids moved on to Ivy League universities; motivated,
studious and conscientious kids moved on to regular
colleges, average students went to community colleges
and everyone else went to a trade school, into the
military or hit the manual labor or sales job circuit.
Those who just couldn’t cut it never made it to
graduation. That’s the way it was and that system
worked. Everything our society has achieved to date is a
product of that educational paradigm.
Looking back, I see a workable system that has evolved
into failure because today’s parents regard our schools
as nothing more than free child care centers; teachers
believe all kids are special and legislators
wanted to ensure everyone in America is as stupid as
they are. I’d be willing to bet (rhetorical statement)
every one of my high school teachers (including the
hated gym teacher) would willingly have taken a
competency test; and passed with high marks. Today’s
teachers are incredibly fearful of competency testing.
Why is that? You tell me.
Question of the day: When two Russian
leaders make public statements, which one is lying?
Answer: The Russian one.
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