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2009
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2008
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2007
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30
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2006
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8
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November – 19
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Paris Hilton Chickens Out
April 26, 2007
During a concert in Las Vegas on 20 April (according to Us
Magazine), Prince invited Paris Hilton to join him on stage.
As he handed over the microphone, Prince said to the crowd,
“Let’s see if she can really sing.”
Apparently she can’t. Paris reportedly became angry, stormed
off the stage and left the club shortly thereafter. Prince
is not commenting on the incident and a representative for
Paris claims it never happened. Be that as it may, I
congratulate Prince on his brilliantly executed plan to
terminate any lingering public suspicion that Hilton has
musical talent.
For more than 20 years, Prince has offered up a steady
stream of musical masterpieces, electrifying performances
and artistically sensual music videos. His influence on
generations of performing artists is significant and
undeniable. If anyone exemplifies natural talent, hard work
and passion, Prince ranks at the top of the music industry.
It would be sheer folly to question his musical judgment. So
I join him in a chorus of “Ode to Paris Hilton’s Singing
Career.”
Yes, in August 2006, I was one of the first purchasers of
her newly released music CD. You’ve undoubtedly heard of
vanity presses that writers use to self-publish books. The
Paris CD was published by . . . Paris. She founded Heiress
Records, which released (coincidentally) her own music CD. I
believe hers is the only CD the company has released to
date. Like that’s a big surprise. Now I know why no credible
music publisher would handle her material.
I didn’t buy her CD for myself though, I bought it as a gift
for Sondra. Sondra loves music. All types. In fact, Sondra
loves a broad variety of music so much she will probably
evolve far beyond the iPod generation to become one of the
first consumers on Earth to have a satellite-radio music
channel receiver chip implanted directly in her brain. I
thought it would be nice to give Sondra the new Paris CD on
the day of its release. After all, would Paris embarrass
herself by making a music CD if she couldn’t sing? I guess I
should have taken the hint from her famous (or infamous)
porno video. Paris is not easily embarrassed.
The only talent related to her music CD belongs to the
photographer who took her pictures for the case cover and
insert. Paris does photograph well if the angles are right.
Her music is another story. Paris sings about as good as
Bumble in Happy Feet. If I wanted to listen to a
high school chorus singing obscure songs to unimaginative
musical arrangements, I’d have tuned in to NPR on a Sunday.
As for the CD, all wasn’t lost. Sondra was able to swap it
the next day at LaLa.com for a different CD by someone with
talent. Paris redefines the concept of oblivious. She
obviously thought she could sing well enough to sink a ton
of money into a recording business to publish herself.
Publicity or no publicity, I’m sure there are infinitely
more positive things Paris could do with her money than
burden public eardrums with her mediocrity.
Rumor has it Paris is working on a second music album.
Perhaps she just doesn’t care or maybe she has a trick up
her sleeve (no pun intended). I find it interesting that
Paris recently involved herself so closely with Britney
Spears. In the grand tradition of Milli Vanilli, it wouldn’t
surprise me if the next CD credited to Paris isn’t really
Britney pretending to be Paris. We’ll all have to see if
Britney can stay sober long enough to sing a few complete
songs from backstage while Paris lip-synchs at a live concert.
Hopefully, Paris will learn that curiosity really can kill
the cat when she releases her next CD. Consumers probably
got over being burned once (on the first CD), but they’re
not generally so stupid as to voluntarily ask for it a
second time. Paris should forget her music career and return
to her home video career. People with no musical talent can
not learn how to sing, but practice goes a long way towards
improving performances in the movies
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