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Japanese Men Can’t Get It Up
February 12, 2007

A recent study in Japan shows that 39.7 percent of Japanese citizens ages 16-49 have not had sex for over a month. This information was provided by the Japan Family Planning Association. Among married couples, the rate was only slightly lower, at 34.6 percent.

Dr. Kunio Kitamura, director of the Family Planning Association, expressed concern over this highly scientific evidence that Japanese men in ever increasing numbers are losing their taste for sex with Japanese women. He claimed his research shows if you don’t have sex for a month, you probably won’t for a year. I think Kitamura needs to improve intimate relations with his wife.

The decrease in frequency of sex is bad news for Japan’s declining birth rate. Japanese government officials fear fewer births will lead to fewer workers, reduced national tax revenue and fewer martial arts movies.

Japan’s Health Minister Hakuo Yanagisawa became so distressed at the study results he made a public plea for Japanese citizens to have more frequent sex and produce more babies. During his speech, Yanagisawa referred to women as “birth machines.” As you might imagine, this characterization of Japanese women caused a national uproar resulting in numerous calls by female politicians for Yanagisawa’s resignation. He did not resign.

Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe claims he “reprimanded” Yanagisawa over the remarks, but I’m not buying that one. They probably sat together in closed session and joked about the whole incident.

Abe has for years denied there was a Japanese “sex slave” (Comfort Women) service operated by the Japanese government and military during World War II, contrary to all evidence that shows anywhere from 100,000 to 400,000 women were “impressed” into service. That should demonstrate precisely the traditional cultural Japanese attitude towards women.

In 2005, Japan’s birth rate fell to 1.26 births in an average woman’s lifetime. If this downward trend continues, the total population of Japan will decrease significantly as the number of Japanese citizens moving to Hawaii outpaces the number of annual births in Japan.

Kitamura alluded to the probability that work stress has contributed to the decline in sex. He also said the decline in physical communication skills in a web-based society is a contributing factor. I suggest the only stress in Japan at the present time is a national fear that their own Health Minister will choke to death from attempts to swallow his own foot.

The Internet factor however, merits serious consideration. With the proliferation of Internet access and services, it is logical to assume Japanese men have spent at least a little curious time viewing American and/or European pornography on the net. After that it is only natural to be plagued by the age-old question of whether or not “size” matters. If Carlos Mencia is right, Japanese men come up a little short on comparisons (no pun intended). Now that’s stress. Faced with this reality, it is small wonder Japanese men have problems getting it up.

Japan’s “sex” crisis has been identified in other studies as well. In 2006, Japan came last in a 29-country study of sexual satisfaction published by the University of Chicago, with a mere 25.7 percent of lovers expressing satisfaction in bed.

A 2005 poll by condom Manufacturer Durex provided data showing Japanese couples having sex only 45 times a year compared to a global average of 103. It appears the situation in Japan has worsened significantly since the Durex survey.

Being able to only guess at the underlying causes, here are a few possible courses of action to spark Japanese women and men, and subsequently the birth rate:

1. Implement a national education program in Japan for men that teaches principles of respect for women, foreplay, sexual techniques, listening and post-sex cuddling. Infuse all training with subliminal messages that “size does not matter,” and ensure the male students are prohibited from listening to RAP music during the training.

2. Ban the consumption of raw fish in Japan, on the off chance the decrease in sexual desire is attributable to elevated levels of mercury in fish.

3. Stop the importation of rice from Korea and China. It is only logical to acknowledge there is no love lost between either of those countries and Japan. China and Korea are probably contaminating their exported rice with sexual activity dehancers?

4. Start a new series of TV game shows in Japan with game prizes being awarded to Japanese men who conceive the most babies during the contest period. We all know Japanese men will engage in any manner of odd behavior to win a game show. One catch though; for a score to count, the impregnated woman must be over the age of 30. Rumor has it that women over the age of 30 are having to pay for sex in Japan.

5. Establish financial incentives for foreign women to immigrate to Japan. If Japanese men are bored with Japanese women, maybe they can get it up for foreigners.

6. Finance a national effort to procure blond wigs for Japanese women interested in having sex. That one is self-explanatory.

7. Send a significant number of Japanese women to American colleges every year as exchange students. Japanese women to American institutions of learning in exchange for American male students to Japanese schools. Sex is prevalent in American colleges and universities. Until recently sex in colleges and universities was even subsidized by the U.S. government. This program itself would contribute significantly to a turnaround in the Japanese birth rate.

If none of these suggestions works; that’s OK. When Japanese industry eventually fails due to lack of available labor force, we will simply count on some other Asian country like China or Korea to copy our technology, sell cheap knock-offs and operate their businesses with unethical government subsidies that take the place of competent business management and business practices.

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