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Open Letter to Her Majesty Nancy Pelosi
January 5, 2007

Hello Nancy,

Let me introduce myself. I am one of those cross-over Republicans who hamstrung our deluded president in the last election by voting for every Democratic Party candidate on my ballot.

As you can readily see from the election results (and your current position), I also influenced a great many other Republicans to vote the same way. Rest assured though, we did not vote “for” the Democrats; we voted “against” Bush and his pointless war in Iraq.

Now let’s talk about this 100-hour legislation ploy of yours. The ball is already rolling on that dog-and-pony show. Neither I or my fellow cross-over Republicans is pleased or even mildly amused by the issues selected for your fast-track agenda.

Ethics rules for the house? Come on Nancy. Most voters have a good sense of humor (look who they vote for), but contrary to what politicians believe, voters are not that stupid. Tell me your $1000 a plate dinner wasn’t attended by any lobbyists. Why don’t you get serious on this issue and just ban lobbies? You don’t need a house committee or an outside agency to police unscrupulous politicians; the press already performs that function. Ethics rules for politicians have no effect on me at all.

Raising the minimum wage is about as pointless as Bush’s war. Practically nobody benefits from a higher federal minimum wage because so few people are paid that little. You must have ignored the national wage statistics. It would be more beneficial to the U.S. to pass a bill that requires anyone receiving minimum wage or more to pass a written and oral test of proficiency in the English language at the 10th grade level or higher. I am not classified as a high-wage earner (according to the IRS), but I have always earned more than minimum wage. This bill has no effect on me at all.

Did stem cell research really need fast-track status? My god Nancy, don’t you know president Bush is under orders from the Pope to run interference on stem cell science? You could be ex-communicated for defying the Pope. Realistically though, can you list any advance in the field of stem cell research that has resulted in a practical cure for anything? I don’t think that is likely in my lifetime. Yet another bill that has no effect on me.

Are you beginning to understand where I’m going with all of this? Now you want to penalize the gas and oil companies for being more efficiently managed than the U.S. government. Will a penalty on oil company profits benefit me? Quite the opposite. I own oil company stock. Not a lot, but enough to feel the pinch if an arbitrary success tax lowers the value of oil company stocks. To be fair, you would have to levy the same tax or deny the same tax benefits to all other companies that make a good profit. This “punitive” legislation might actually affect me, but not in a positive way.

Somebody needs to get real on the 9-11 Commission recommendations. Quite some time has passed since those recommendations were made. Things have changed. We now have a treasure trove of experience under our collective belts and we need to factor in Bush’s totally failed military crusade against the Iraqi infidels. A new commission should convene to review and reconsider all of first commission’s recommendations. Lets get some younger blood on the new committee and perhaps even a few experts in the field of terrorism and geographic security. The requirements for youth and expertise naturally preclude Silvestre Reyes from serving on a new 9-11 Commission.

Speaking of Reyes... never mind. I guess I don’t care if any new ethics committee looks the other way while he uses the influence of his position to procures lucrative employment for Rebecca and Silvestre Junior.

Lets see, what have I neglected to mention? Oh that’s right, last but certainly not least; the low-priced Medicare prescription drugs. Don’t you think Bush has already confused senior citizens enough on prescription drug options? Actually, I almost agree with you on this issue except that I don’t and probably never will use Medicare, so once again this issue has no effect on me at all.

The verdict is in Nancy. Not one of your fast-track bills has any effect on me except the possible negative effects of penalizing oil companies for successful management.

Can you give me any reason to cross-over and vote for Democrats again in the next election? If your first 100 hours are an indication of things to come, you’re losing me already. You’d better come up quickly with legislation that can benefit me and the 80 or more percent of (legal) Americans who share similar attitudes and beliefs.

Move with haste Nancy because you only have two years and you need me and my cross-over Republicans desperately to maintain your Democratic majority in Congress since the miniscule population of constituents who might benefit from your first 100 hours of legislation are known for being too lazy to go out and vote. You’re beginning your reign by pandering to the wrong crowd.

One last thing Nancy: Tony Bennett, Mickey Hart and Stevie? People don’t even know who they are any more. Most people who knew them are already deceased. For your next political party why don’t you just ruin your career entirely by featuring Barry Mannilow, Michael Bolton and Milli Vanilli. You should have gone for Barbra Streisand, Black Eyed Peas, Ludacris and Nelly. With that type of entertainment you could have charged $2000 a plate ($3000 if Nelly brought his dancers to the party).

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