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The Grinch is a Rabbi
December 11, 2006

Nine Christmas trees were removed from Seattle-Tacoma airport on Saturday night. No, they weren’t stolen. Airport officials banished the trees after local Rabbi Elazar Bogomilsky threatened to sue the Port of Seattle if they did not erect a giant menorah next to the decorated trees.

I can only presume this is Elazar Bogomilsky’s first salvo in a personal war against Christmas. His next legal assault will probably challenge Christmas shows on television, nativity scenes on residential lawns, holiday music in department stores, and adorable little female angels in Christmas parades.

Bogomilsky is reported to be appalled that the airport complex took down its trees instead of succumbing to religious extortion on behalf of a menorah. I myself am appalled that a supposedly intelligent and learned man like a Rabbi could engage in such a blatant error of public relations judgment.

The correct thing to do would have been to request the Port of Seattle to consider adding the menorah to the tree display next year. That would have given the Port staff time to consider the request rationally instead of having to execute a panicky reaction to a threat.

Aren’t Jews patient people. Just look at how long they’ve been waiting for the Messiah. Would it have hurt to wait one more year for the menorah erection? Given time to think it over, I believe the Port of Seattle would have agreed to expand their display.

Bogomilsky’s attorney Harvy Grad is concerned that in light of this incident, the Jewish community will be portrayed as the Grinch. Not so, Harvey. It’s only common sense that the Grinch has a face and it is the face of Elazar Bogomilsky (accompanied naturally by his trusty sidekick Max, the attorney dog).

There are American soldiers dying almost every day in Iraq and this bearded, delusional maniac wants to make an issue of trees and menorahs. Happy Hanukkah Elazar, and Sholom. Perhaps it is time for you to go spin your dreidel in Israel, far away from any festively decorated Christmas trees that might bespoil your holiday season.

We still have a problem though with the unwanted menorah you offered the Port Authority. It seems a shame to waste it.

My neighbor has an enormous lighted Christmas display on his lawn and (God forbid) the entire ostentatious display is visible from the 4-lane public highway that passes through the neighborhood. Since we wouldn’t want any passing Jew to be offended by a solitary Christmas display, I am willing to take the unwanted menorah and place it on my property facing the public street and adjacent to my neighbor’s Christmas scene.

So before you head out to the promised land Elazar, please drop off the giant menorah at my house. My contact form can be used to elicit delivery information. You have to pay for the shipping though. I’m a little short on disposable income right now. Have you seen the prices lately on hot chocolate and menorah candles?

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