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The Greatest Secret of all Time
December 10, 2006

From the very beginning of human experience, men have endeavored unsuccessfully to find an answer to the most perplexing question of all time, “What do women really want?”

Women have zealously guarded this secret throughout the ages. It seems hardly fair for men to be kept in the dark on an incredibly important issue like this while every woman innately knows what every man really wants. (OK guys, no emails asking me what it is women think all men really want. If you don’t know, go to cdgirls.com and start your investigation there.)

Psychologists would have us believe women want a warm home, cuddling, financial security, children, close friends, a shoulder to cry on and an energy efficient vibrator that also works in the shower. But I’m on to that deception.

Friday, while sitting in my cubicle at work, I overheard a conversation between one of my male coworkers and a female visitor to the office. She was talking about holiday shopping. Jumbled somewhere in her stream of conversation I discerned the words, “This year I’m not taking a chance. I told my husband exactly what I want.”

I jolted out of my chair, ran over to the visitor and asked, “Did you just say you told a man what you (a woman) really want?” “Yes I did,” she said.

“Can you tell us guys,” I ventured? She nodded yes and then stood there, silently waiting for us to comprehend the fact that we were on the verge of learning the greatest secret of all time.

While I held my breath to avoid missing a word, this wonderful woman smiled one of those mischievous I know something you don’t know smiles only a woman can give and whispered, “I want a 42-inch plasma television for my bedroom.” She quickly added, “And a good 35mm camera. I don’t mean one of those cheap digital things, I mean a good 35mm camera.”

I was floored, and there you have it. The secret is out and the reason it remained concealed for so long is obvious. The time just wasn’t right. Technology had not sufficiently advanced to the point women could have what they really wanted. Now they can.

It remains to be seen whether or not T.N. incurs the wrath of the world’s women for divulging the secret. But personally, I will always be thankful to her. How often is a man privileged to learn the answer to one of life’s most perplexing questions?

I walked around the office for the next 15 minutes asking female coworkers if they would like to have a 42-inch plasma television for their bedroom. Every one of them regarded me quizzically if not outright suspiciously, but answered “yes, how did you know?”

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